Nutrition for Littles

Establishing Boundaries To Nourish Your Child

In the circle of child nutrition, we often talk about what to do when your child wants more. They finished their plate and asked for seconds. Or ate all their apple slices during snack and wanted another. 

Typically the answer is simple–give them more! But are there circumstances when we should say no? I think so. Hear me out.

What are serving sizes anyways?

When we walk down the aisles at the grocery store, we see pre-portioned meals for babies and adults alike. Where do those portion sizes come from, though? Who decided that’s how much we should be eating? 

They’re completely made up. There is little to no research behind those portion sizes, yet they’ve come to set our expectations for what is “normal”. So don’t be weary if your child eats more or less than “one serving” per the package. Every kid is different.

Kids’ Changing Appetites

We’ve gotten used to seeing what’s considered “normal”, and have now come to expect that from our children at each meal. If they eat more or less than “normal”, we’re concerned.

Children’s appetites are constantly changing because their source is fluid. Their appetite is directly tied to how much sleep they’re getting, physical activity, stress, playing, growth and even brain development. 

The goal here is to help our kids learn to eat intuitively. To trust their bodies and listen when it says how much food they need. 

To do that, sometimes we have to let them feel too full or get a little hungry.

New Expectations

Think about the last meal you ate. Did you eat a typical amount for that meal? Do you always eat the same exact amount every day at that time? Or does it fluctuate?

If you’re consistently eating the same amount, dig into the why. Are you ignoring your body’s cues and eating out of habit? If we want our children to learn how to eat intuitively, the best way to teach is to lead by example. 

If your portions fluctuate based on your needs, remember your kids do, too.

Know and expect their appetites to change from day to day, week to week, or even meal to meal!

As their bodies develop, they will require different nutritional needs. Trust them to trust their bodies.

Change your expectations to a feeling of wonder–I wonder how much they’ll eat; I wonder if they’re growing–rather than relying on your preconceived notion of how their plate should look at the end of a meal.

When To Say No

All that being said, there are times we should say no. We must teach our children to listen to their bodies, but it is acceptable to establish boundaries.

Food Allergies

If your child has food allergies, it is obvious that you wouldn’t allow them to eat something that will cause them harm. Your primary job is to keep them safe and healthy!

Outside Meal/Snack Routine

Setting a meal and snack routine is crucial to avoiding picky eating and setting expectations. If you’re new here and don’t know what I’m talking about, I break it all down here!

If you’ve taken the time to establish a solid routine, what should you do if they ask for food outside of those allowed times?

First, acknowledge that they’re hungry. Next, make a plan for when they will eat next. Lastly, redirect.

It should look a little something like this:

“Oh, you want grapes? Let’s put that on the menu for lunch! Until lunchtime, let’s go play xyz!”

Acknowledge. Plan. Redirect.

You’ve Run Out

This one seems pretty simple, right? You can’t offer something you don’t have. 

Tell your little one, “I’m so sorry we’re all out! I’ll make sure to add it to the list for next time.”

As a parent, it can be disheartening to go through food faster than you expected. Maybe you thought those grapes would last you five days and they’ve only lasted two.

Nourishing our children is definitely an investment of time, effort, and money.

Your child may be upset and you may feel guilty, but remember no matter what window of time they’re consuming the foods, they’re still getting all the nutrients!

You Need To Save Some For The Family

If your child is requesting more, but you need to save some for other members of the family, it’s okay to say no.

Be clear and honest about the needs of the rest of the family, telling them something like, “That’s all we have today, the rest is for tomorrow/daddy’s lunch/mommy.”

A tantrum may ensue, but it’s okay to set and hold boundaries when it comes to feeding the family as a whole.

Meal Time Has Gone Too Long

I usually recommend meals lasting anywhere from 15-45 minutes, depending on the needs of the family.

A great way to exhibit this is with a sand timer.

However, if your child is dragging on too long, it’s appropriate to cut them off at the end of the meal.

Let them know you will set it aside to have later, even letting them help wrap it up so they don’t feel like it’s been an abrupt end.

Food Reactions

Different from allergies, reactions are an effect of eating too much of a certain type of food.

They may get constipation or diarrhea with too much fruit or dairy.

While it’s hard to see our children feel discomfort, I’m a fan of letting them eat it. Then when the consequences come, gently point out the cause-and-effect relationship.

Young children have a harder time making that connection but are more easily able to do so as they get older.

We want them to learn how to make these decisions on their own, so while it may not always be a firm “no”, a gentle reminder may help them in their decision-making process.

Keep in mind that just because there was a reaction last time doesn’t mean there will be forever. 

Their reactions to food will ebb and flow as they continue to grow and develop. 

Need more help, check out Table Talk

Raising intuitive eaters is made so much harder with picky eating habits.

By joining Table Talk, the self-paced picky eating course that works. You’ll become your child’s own feeding expert. No more bribing, begging, or counting bites! 

When we can tackle picky eating and establish good habits, we set the stage for intuitive eating and connection through meals.

5 Tips To Bring The Joy Back To Family Mealtimes

Toddlers can be savages, y’all.

Keeping little ones at the table during meals is a struggle for so many parents. Oftentimes, toddlers want the freedom to leave and return to the table as they please, playing in between and coming back to graze.

But this isn’t conducive to joyful family mealtimes. You might feel like you’re constantly bribing or coercing them to sit back down.

I truly believe connection happens when we sit down as a family for meals. Picky eating can get in the way of that connection, so how do we fix it? How can we keep our little ones at the table with us?

These tips are certainly pertinent to toddlers, but can also apply to older children. And while I can give you all the hacks in the world, they’re only as solid as your boundaries. Children inevitably push back, it’s our job to lovingly establish and maintain the expectations so they can learn.

Get the Wiggles Out

Does your little one get rambunctious when you sit down to eat? Do they frequently get up and back down again to keep themselves occupied?

Sometimes the stark announcement of “time to eat, let’s go to the table” is too abrupt for them. Or maybe it’s just a case of the wiggles!

Take ten minutes between preparing and serving meals to connect with them physically. Get active! Play with them–whether it’s hide-and-seek, a tickle party, or playing airplane on your feet–get their bodies moving so they can expel some of their energy while building up their appetite.

Spend time engaging with them without the distraction of meal preparation. By taking the time to connect, they’ll be more willing to come with you to the table and less likely to feel the urge to get their wiggles out.

Plan Meals & Snacks Around Natural Hunger Times

I talk a ton about setting up meal and snack routines, or rhythms, especially in my Table Talk course. A “rhythm” is a predictable schedule of eating times so your child comes to know what is expected and when.

But to do that, we need to find the sweet spot. We want to catch them when they’re hungry, but not starving, and not so full from their last meal or snack that they’re not interested. They won’t want to sit if they aren’t hungry!

When we stick to a schedule, their bodies will start to self-regulate to the rhythm.

Decide on your rhythm as a family so you are all able to eat together. Remember: connection is key!

Make Sure They’re Comfortable

To be effective, meal times need to be a comfortable and inviting environment. If we want our kids to feel part of mealtime, their comfort should be a priority!

If they’re sliding off their seat, the table is too high, or they’re afraid of breaking mom’s ceramic plate, they will feel less at ease and less likely to remain seated during the meal.

By creating a welcoming environment, both physically and emotionally, we are setting them up for success at the table.

Have The Table Set

Before summoning the family to the table, have it ready. Place the food, drinks, and utensils at each person’s seat ready to greet them when they sit down. You may want to grab a few napkins, too, those toddlers sure know how to make a mess!

By having everything you need at the table already, for kids and parents alike, we can eliminate the need for anyone to have to get up. You know the drill, once mom gets up, it’s like an open invitation to play human ping pong in the kitchen!

Use A Sand Timer

Using a visual timer is a great way to keep your child engaged at the table while understandably displaying your expectations.

You may need to lower your expectations if you’re just starting out; set your timer for 1-2 minutes for every year your child is. Over time, add 1-2 minutes at a time until you’ve reached your desired meal length. For most families, this will be between 10-20 minutes.

You can make it a fun game, letting them turn the timer when they sit down or make up a fun song like we did! 

The visual reminder will keep them at the table longer and eliminate the need to constantly remind them to sit.

What If They Take Forever To Eat?

I hear from parents often that their child takes forever to finish their meal. And while we don’t want to rush them, allowing them to take too long can be detrimental as well.

By allowing them to extend the meal time, we start encroaching on the grazing territory. When they graze, they never really get full and tend to snack many times throughout the day, completely ruining the nice rhythm you’ve set for your family!

To avoid this, try giving several verbal reminders as the end of meal time approaches–five minutes, 3 minutes, 1 minute, etc. Don’t suddenly end the meal without giving them an opportunity to eat what they want.

Then give them the option of what to do with their remaining food. Do they want to save it for a snack or stick it in the refrigerator for later?

Most importantly, whatever standards you want to set for your kids, make sure you are modeling that behavior for them!

Find Confidence At The Table

It can be exhausting getting stuck in the cycle of bribing, begging, counting bites, and feeding toddlers. You’re likely tired of making new meals and hoping tonight’s the night they actually tough it.

Maybe you’re worried they aren’t eating enough nutritious foods and nothing you’ve tried is working.

You need a plan to enjoy meals again as a family. 

By joining my Table Talk course, you will learn strategies and methods to kick picky eating to the curb for good. And because you know your child best, we teach you how to be your own feeding expert.

I want you to feel confident at the table and that you’re raising a happy, healthy, and independent eater! Because I truly believe that connection happens around a good meal as a family.

It can be so frustrating when our little ones stop eating foods they used to eat. Foods that were once safe are now boycotted. As parents, it can be difficult to understand their newfound hatred for bananas when it was their first and favorite food!

While it is definitely a challenge for you as the parent, sometimes it is easier when we understand the why. 

When we know the reason, we can show compassion and find the right avenue for navigating a season of picky eating.

They’re Burnt Out

If you have a picky eater, you likely are circulating a small number of the same foods just to make sure they eat. 

We serve them often to keep them fed, but eventually they get burnt out on the same fruits and vegetables day after day… who wouldn’t?

To avoid burnout, don’t over-serve the same food. Push it to every other day, or prepare  it in a new way.

You’re Pushing Too Hard

Do you find yourself pressuring your child to eat? Whether it’s bribing, begging, pleading, or praising, pushing them to eat often results in them rejecting the very food you want them to eat!

When we pressure them, it sends up a red flag! And while it may work in the beginning, it will only leave us with a larger hill to climb once the damage is done.

Avoid pressure methods like the ones listed above, as well as counting bites, celebrating each bite, or feeding them yourself.

Often, giving them space helps them feel more in control which leads to eating those same foods we had previously begged them to eat!

They’re Looking For Control

There are so many aspects of children’s lives that are out of their control, and for good reason. But when they feel out of control in one area of their life, they may seek control somewhere else–like their food!

In coaching calls with my Table Talk members, I often get told, “I don’t know what’s going on! They used to eat these foods but now they refuse!” When I dig a little deeper, 50% of the time there is something new going on in their life–a new sibling, a new school, a grandparent moved in, or possibly a worldwide lockdown.

We can support them by giving them options, no more than two at a time, during meal times. Make sure to only offer options you are comfortable with! For example, if you don’t want them drinking soda, don’t offer it. This allows them to express their choice while leaving you, the parent, with control of the options they have to choose from.

Their Taste is Changing

Did you know our taste buds change every two weeks?! Imagine the confusion as a toddler trying to navigate those changes.

There is lots of research left to be done here, but remember our children are growing and developing all the time, including their taste buds.

And while it’s frustrating for us that they dislike something they ate a month ago, it also presents an opportunity for them to try and accept new foods. 

As adults, foods go in and out of favor in different seasons of our lives and kids are no different!

They’re Getting Sick or Teething

Maybe your little one is getting a stomach bug and the acidity of oranges upsets it. Or the chicken at dinner is hard for them to chew with a new molar coming in. 

Maybe the food just doesn’t seem appetizing when they’re sick. It could even be that their smell is off because of congestion, as our smell makes up 80% of our tasting ability!

Regardless of the reason, it is only a season and it will pass. Show compassion, offer them nutritious options to get them through, and know it won’t last forever.

They Had a Bad Experience

Have you ever had a watery, unsatisfying watermelon, blueberries that were entirely too sour, or chicken that just didn’t smell right? 

Kids are even more sensitive to these changes than we are and often they’ll remember that experience the next time that food is offered, causing them to distrust it.

Don’t freak out, convince them to give it one more try, or use other pressuring techniques. Let them have the freedom to choose when and if they decide to try it again.

Another solution would be to try our kids’ food sometimes. It’s not necessary at every meal, but giving it a little bit of a spot check every now and then can help us understand a bit better.

I always advocate eating meals together with your children. When we do so, we are present for those small changes and can help navigate them before they become a bigger issue.

Still Stuck?

I know it’s challenging having a picky eater. Or maybe your child isn’t typically picky but is still rejecting foods they used to eat.

Even if they’re dropping foods, there are still things we can do to encourage them to keep trying. Just because they’re done for now doesn’t mean they’re done for good and the only way to guarantee they won’t eat something is to avoid serving it altogether!
This happens. It’s life. Our kids go through different phases and challenges just like we do. If it feels stressful or overwhelming or you’re worried about how to move forward, I invite you to join my Table Talk course, a program that teaches you to be your own feeding expert, because you know your child best.